Getting Back the Balance We Crave

The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create, to overcome, to endure, to transform, to love and to be greater than our suffering.
Ben Okri

A friend told me the other day, “you have two ways you can do this.” You can run your race with the energy you need or you can crawl your race without it. The latter means you’re depleted. How much better would it feel to have the choice to crawl?

During this season of shifting (again), I’ve got to get back to giving myself the first 10% not the last. Feeling the same?

Here’s what I’m doing to get back the balance I need, crave, desire and how I shape my days of the week based on those things. Oh, and that picture of Fiorella? It’s perfect. She totally has this balancing act thing down pat.

1. Readjusting my priority list

I did it in 2019 when I became self employed. 1.5 years and a slew of changes later (businesses, love, COVID, working FT, etc.), I’m finding that I need to do it again. To learn more about this process scroll down and I’ll explain it there. If you have your own process, I recommend implementing it, especially if you’re burning out a bit and/or having trouble balancing/juggling/handling things.
Going back to posting on Social Media but not watching it
- Consuming that stuff daily is the epitome of information overload, aka teewwwww much. What fruit is watching social media producing? The fruit of distraction maybe?

2. Feeding myself first, giving myself the first 10%)

Honor the Lord with your wealth, with the first fruits of all your crops
Proverbs 3:9

This looks like providing the space for my ancestral guides and Jesus Christ to water me, before giving myself to anything or anyone else
- Dont: Waking up with just enough time for hygienic basics before immediately jumping into work to start the day is treacherous. I would hardly give myself enough time to acknowledge the day, let alone myself, before I was already pouring into someone else and working.
- Do: I thank God for the morning, sometimes I ask God repeatedly to give me the energy to get up and out of the bed that morning (fr) and then I make tea, put myself in a space that will allow me to empty my thoughts and just be (usually on my balcony or outside walking). I eventually meditate, allowing The Holy Spirit and my guides in the spiritual realm to guide me. Sometimes I accomplish the same with time playing my singing bowl, sitting up in bed.
  - I’m often asked about meditating with Christ, how I do it and where to start. Start by being in a place without distraction if you can (during the hours where the kids aren’t awake, the parents aren’t awake, during a time where nothing is being asked of you); I usually recommend the shower as a place to start.
    Then pick something, one thing, to focus on. If you find yourself having trouble with that step, be gentle with yourself and simply refocus when you’re getting off track. Another technique? Say Jesus over and over again (picture His name and only His name in your head) until it’s the only thought you have.
    Nothing may flow in the first few times/weeks/months you do it, but that’s okay. You’re giving your mind/body/soul/spirit a necessary moment of rest and calm; minimally, you’re giving your mind a break from making decisions.
  - Another technique: Sensory grounding. This will help you to connect more deeply to yourself and what’s presently occurring around you.
    Example: If you’re on the balcony allow yourself to focus on one tree and that’s it. See the tree, really look into the tree, observe how it’s moving or not moving, what color it is, does it look like it’s speaking when it’s swaying (dude, trees totally have their own language), what do its branches look like? Etc.

3. Continuing to speak from my spirit and not my head

I got a lot of practice in doing this with future-bae. Code switching is “a thing” for various reasons and in a lot of instances is required if you wish to reach the person listening. But what code switching doesn’t require is a lesser or alternative version of your authentic self. All individuals need you to operate as yourself, even if you’re speaking different languages. Switch up the language without operating in the spirit of fear/overthinking/intimidation. This requires less thinking and more speaking from the spirit; truth and most importantly one’s self resides there. So yea, in my spirit is where you can find me.

4. Learning patience and grace

“Just know that I’m working on it. Just know that I’m trying.”

Allowing myself the time, space and effort required in growth. Being patient with myself, and as someone that can be hard on themselves, giving myself tons of grace interestingly enough, brings internal balance that translates externally in one’s behavior towards others. Knowing that you’re trying is sometimes all you need.

How to readjust your priority list (and use a planner to help you through it!)

Did you scrolled down from #1 because you’re interested in learning how to use/make a priority list to map out your week-to-week life? Here you go!

One of the perks, or some may say drawbacks (some is me), to growing is appropriately adjusting patterns and routines; reevaluating one’s priorities, goals and dreams. If you’ve been doing hella internal and external work on yourself, your goals and your dreams, you may find that readjusting comes more quickly than your mind or body was prepared for or expecting.

You see, staying the same and doing the same ‘ol thing requires little to no adjusting. Take a moment to CELEBRATE the fact that you’re here looking for ways to manage this process, it means you grew boo! Give yourself patience, give yourself grace (See #4).

List current priorities/goals/dreams:
- What is most important to you overall?
- What is most important to you day-to-day?
- What is necessary for you to thrive in the day (i.e. a walk everyday, morning call with mom/bestie/bae)?
Map out/write down how you envision life to be for yourself/you and your family
- Your life goals
- Your more current/pressing goals
- The things you’d like to do day-to-day
- How much money do you want to make
- etc.
Align your goals and priorities, if they’re not already aligned
Map out your week based on those things
- For an example:
  - Priorities/goals:
    Self care/self growth
    Making x number of dollars a week
    Time outdoors
    Time with Mini
    My creative work
    Dating/Preparing for Marriage
  - How I shaped my week
    M – self work/appts day (read books, bible study, balance money, learn new things, hobbies, etc.)
    T – work day (10-11 hours)
    W- work day (10-11 hours)
    Tr – work day (10-11 hours) – established that because I needed M and F to access the priorities required for me to function at a fruitful capacity, I’d be willing to work longer days during the week and doing so wouldn’t exhaust me.
    F – errands/home management/appts
    S – family stuff/creative Stuff (since kids aren’t in school, and friends/family are usually off)
    Sun- day of rest (resting is work. If God needed a day of rest, so do we.)

* If you’re not able to be as flexible with your days of the week, adjust the hours in each day. Designate a time as “self care hour” or “dream hour” in the morning or evening just for those priorities; this is in addition to Saturday. If you have an employer, have you considered the possibility of adjusting your hours? Are you able to work a condensed schedule?

Try to avoid shaping your days around un upside down priority list and/or things that aren’t a priority/in line with your purpose and needs, i.e. social media.. how much time do you spend on it and how is it actually serving you/your purpose?

If you’re either mismanaging time with the things on your list or putting things that are not in your priority list above what matters most to you, then you will feel imbalanced at best.

If you need ideas of things to do during your self work time, comment below or send me a message! *puts pointer finger to the middle of my bottom lip* I think I’ll write about it!

Stay Polished Pistil,

Maquita Donyel